living unhinged

because the world needs more people who refuse to pretend

well, let’s give it a go.

write uncensored.

even though there is a always a part that holds back, even from one’s conscious thoughts of holding back...

it’s kind of trippy how that works.

you think you are unleashing from the belly of the beast,

but the part of you tasked with keeping you alive is not going to give up the fight just like that.

i have been writing without a filter for a while now.

in fact, i’ve never really been able to filter in my life.

it was always a liability, until it became my superpower.

learn to show up naked.

as we evolve, we become less censored about what we want to express.

we stop giving so many fucks.

hence the very popular phrase, especially here on substack:

i’ve got no more fucks to give.

go on, say it again…just because you can.

no. more. fucks. to. give.

that’s more like it!

so i look over the ledge of sanity and i decide that it can’t be that bad to jump.

just jump, venus. do it…

like i haven’t done it a million and one times before now.

but you know, just like slaying the demons, it’s a job that only gets better the more times you do it.

so i’m diving off.

like the meme i just posted in notes:

sorry (not sorry) i only know how to be passionate and intense and insane.

because isn’t that us?

we’re the ones who admit to being this way, who are actually the sanest ones around.

and actually, the most insane are the ones walking around with the biggest masks, pretending they have it all figured out.

life is too fucking messy to not be a hot mess at some point.

or many some points…many, many, many some points.

so anyone who tries to look like they have their shit so together, that in and of itself has become a red flag for me.

unless i can feel they are genuine.

and that’s a whole other story.

the B.S. radar.

once it’s installed, you realize you can call B.S. on people.

on all the guests at the masquerade ball…

that is our world.

that is our political leaders.

that is so many of our influencers.

and that also goes for anyone who is so interested in appearance.

i’m sorry, not sorry.

just keeping it real here.

take my own family for example.

i was always the one seemingly floundering in the muck, and not ashamed to be doing it either.

i bet you are too. the black sheep. the misfits.

misfits unite!

that’s why i love it here so much.

all the deep feeling, wildly creative, unfiltered humans have been finding their way to each other.

i’ll admit there were decades where i wanted to seem as put together as the ones around me.

but then when the going got real, when it was time to put the rubber to the pavement, that’s when i realized it is so much better to show your mess, and play in your mess, and dig for gold in your mess, than to walk around with a secret life, saying one thing and doing another.

i’d take the mess any day.

because this is a messy planet.

there is no way around it. being human is messy work.

and we have to be willing to be naked and unapologetically ourselves.

otherwise what are we?

a shell trying to be something other than what we are.

after i took the picture above, i danced around my bathroom naked.

why?

because i could.

because i’m free.

because finally, after a lifetime of trauma,

it’s time.

but free doesn’t mean having it all figured out.

i recently online dated a 22-year-old who i met here.

my teenage daughter looked at me at one point and said, mom that's kind of insane. and she wasn't wrong.

in all honesty, since he was the one who pursued me, i was flattered and enthralled, and we shared a genuine connection, until the chaos that comes with being 22 was more than i wanted to hold.

but that's the thing about being unhinged and honest about it, you can look at your own mess without flinching.

you can say yes, that happened, here's what it taught me, and keep moving.

and i still have plenty of other moments.

like where the actual real mess of my house and raising four kids alone gets so overwhelming i want to crawl into bed and never get out again.

but that would be giving up.

and i am not a quitter. and neither are you.

you wouldn’t be here reading these words if something in them didn’t resonate.

so here we are.

the weird, wild, wacky, intense, overfeeling, ones.

with all our half-baked parts.

with all our scars and jagged parts.

the glorious unfinished works in progress that we are.

and i know i’m preaching to the choir, because all you beautiful readers and writers are living your own version of this too.

crumbling and cracking open to be even more raw and radiant and truly yourselves.

let this be our fight song.

our sacred mess song.

our i have been through the fire and i am still here song.

we are not giving in.

we are not giving up.

oh no…

we’re just getting started.

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i am a writer, speaker, and musician devoted to healing and embodiment. i share essays, poetry, and original music through venus consciousness. i’d love to walk this path with you. 💞